I cried at the grocery store today

For the past couple of days, I have been feeling a quite under the weather. Sunday afternoon, my throat suddenly became very sore and I was hit with a fever. On Monday, I debated going to the doctor for a strep test, but was worried that if I went too soon I might get a false negative result. This morning, I woke up and decided I needed to go in. Emma was home from school with pink eye, so I had three kids with me.

I was feeling pretty lousy, but knew that I had to get to the doctor one way or another so I proceeded to try to get the kids dressed. Emma and Caleb were fine (although none of the children ended up wearing socks and I made no attempt to fix little girls' hair). Bekah was another matter. She was in some sort of snit today. She did NOT want to get dressed, she did NOT want to go to the doctor or the store or anywhere else. After screaming and kicking and sitting in time out until she was ready (hehe), Bekah finally consented to put some clothing on.

We made it to the doctor's office. I did not have an appointment, because I was just going for a swab and quick test. If it ends up being positive, they try to squeeze you in for a "real" appointment, and if it is negative, you go home without spending anything. Bekah did not want to get out of the car. :( I pretty much dragged her in. Once she saw the toys (yuck...doctor's office toys...just makes me cringe), she was happy again. Unfortunately, the nurse came right out and was ready to do the test. I think that Bekars was worried that the doctor was going to do something to HER, so she had a cow. I had to drag her again. Through all this, I had a fever, chills, terrible headache, and a completely swollen and painful throat. I just felt so tired. I did the test and we were ushered back to the waiting room, where Bekah and the others were happy with toys and I sat huddled up with my hood on, trying to stay warm.

Five minutes later, they came back with the test results...positive for strep. They took us back into another room where we ended up waiting for 45 more minutes. Any of you who have endured an examination room with three rambunctious non-sick children can understand what a torture this was. Usually the kids are sick, not me, and we play little games (rock paper scissors, thumb wars) or read books. I was simply not up for it. I was freezing (the fever) and totally miserable. Honestly, I laid down on the examination table half the time, and shushed the kids the other half.

After obtaining my prescription, I herded the kiddos out of the doctor's office. Once again, Bekah had a cow. She didn't want to leave unless I carried her, and I just didn't feel like carrying anyone! Once we got out the door, she was mad and ran out into the parking lot and I had to yell (with my very tender throat) for her to stop so she wouldn't get hit by an approaching car. She then had a fit because I had yelled at her and I was so frustrated.

In the car on the way to Smith's to pick up my prescription, Emma and Caleb were CONSTANTLY talking to me. Sometimes you forget how much those little ones chatter and demand a response...well, you forget until your throat is killing you and you really don't want to talk at all. I finally told them that they had to only talk to each other because I was just not feeling well.

I had promised the kids a treat at Smith's if they were good at the doctor's office (yes, I easily give in to bribery when I am feeling sickly), and while Bekah was most decidedly not good at the doctor's office, the others were pretty good so we had to go in the store instead of going through the drive through. As we entered, Bekah wanted one of those special kid cars, but I wasn't going to get a cart at all. You guessed it...another fit by Bekars, right there in the doorway, blocking everyone trying to enter the store. By this point, I felt like dying. I was soooooooo sick. I was sooooooooooooo tired. It had been almost two hours since we left the house and I just wanted my bed. I was completely dragging through the store. I grabbed Bekah off the floor, prayed I wouldn't faint from exhaustion, and headed to the pharmacy.

I got my prescription in and then took the kids to pick a treat while we waited. Not really up for dealing with the ginormous fit that would follow if I refused Bekah a treat for her naughty behavior, I let her pick one. She wanted a KitKat, but refused to let me pay for it. She would not let it go for the life of her. I didn't like that behavior, and made her give it to me. Sigh. Let's just say that she was not happy. She had been in a terrible mood all day, but for her this was the final straw. I dragged her back to the pharmacy, where there was a chair I could sit in while we waited. Bekah proceeded to scream on the floor, as multiple mothers glanced at her with concern, and I ignored her. At that point, I had just had enough. I started to cry. I cried and I cried and I cried, sitting in the pharmacy at Smiths. I cried in an embarrassing way, with those shuddering sobs. Emma and Caleb, and even Bekah, became quite concerned and were suddenly very quiet. The pharmacy was actually very quick (haha...perhaps because we were causing such a scene) and we left.

I got the kids in the car, crying the whole time (which, of course, just made my headache worse). I knew it was time for the kids' lunch, but I just couldn't stand the thought of anything but my bed. I just wanted to lay down and sleep and not be bothered any more. I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Through my tears, I cursed my mother for living out of state and Rachel's grandma for dying and having her funeral today (I know, I know...but I was sick and feeling very selfish, hehe). I knew I needed help, so I decided to go by the kids' school and picked all the older, helpful children up. They could babysit while I napped, and I wouldn't have to get the little ones back in the car to pick them up at 3 pm.

Four hours, an antibiotic, four ibuprofen, a bath, and a nap later, I was feeling more like myself. I couldn't even remember why everything seemed so desolate. So tonight I am grateful for medicine that helps me feel better, children who cared for their younger siblings, cleaned up the house, and fixed me some chicken noodle soup. I am also grateful that memory is short, and Bekah is cute once again. :)